Accessing help with Motherhood – Why is it so hard to do?

However you look at Motherhood, consciously or subconsciously, generations of women have been told that they would know how to mother because their maternal instinct would just kick in once baby is born. However, although mothers should be encouraged to use their instincts, the missing piece of the puzzle is that much of the mothering behaviour is LEARNED, not instinctive, and without the educational and emotional support of teachers and nurturers, it is much more difficult and stressful to master.

The Fourth Trimester – or “BabyMoon”

The first month after birth should be ‘characterized by a period of intense learning and need for nurturing, followed by the next two months: a time of drawing together and uniting the family unit’.

Whether we think of this BabyMoonas six weeks or three months, it is often hard for women to focus on this postnatal period before their babies are born. They are preoccupied with the changes going on in their bodies, and anticipating their labour and delivery, the postnatal period seems a long way off. The six weeks after is just a time when they will physically adjust and then everything will go back to normal?

NO, unfortunately that is not what happens.

There is a significant time of adjustment required, and this will vary depending on the woman and family. For some it may take six weeks, three months, nine months or even a year.

As professionals we should be asking:

• What do you really need?
• How do you really feel?
• And, let us know when you feel ready to take over the reins and go solo?

Every woman should have someone to hold her hand and walk the walk with her…

Postnatal care to date has only focused on the physical recovery of mother and baby, and a little bit on establishing feeding patterns, but even support with the latter, can be very fragmented. The emotional and psychological needs of mothers have not received any attention at all.

Mothers have been expected to get help for themselves, which doesn’t happen, because there are very few options out there, or they either don’t know where to look or even have the energy to go there, and they should not have to!

Motherhood and CMS Care

Having a baby should be all about‘You’the individual Mother to Be.

YourStory – Your Life Experience to date – has made you the person you are today, and we need to hear this story. For you to become the Mother you want to be there may be some healing that needs to be done first. Everybody has had a different birth and upbringing, and sometimes this will need to be revisited before you can move forward and parent yourself.

See picture:

Affirmation: ‘Healing My Past ‘. important for you and important for your baby too.

‘there is no need for me to hold onto the past for it is over and done with. I now choose to let go of any hurt, anger or resentment that I have been holding on to. I no longer wish to feel any feelings of guilt. I accept my past for what it is. I forgive myself and I am able to start forgiving those who may have previously hurt me. Forgiving them is not accepting their behaviour or their actions. It simply allows me to cut all cords that tie me to that person.

I release myself from my past. I LET GO all the negative experiences and I no longer allow them to have any power over me. I am grateful for all the lessons that I have learned through my past experiences.

Today I make peace with my past and I begin to live in the present moment, which is all there ever is.’ CARLY MARIE’.

However confident you are about your pregnancy, most mothers will be surprised at how vulnerable they will feel at times, and will need some nurturing; someone to listen to their fears or anxieties, and walk alongside them.

This is what we, CMS Midwives do best:

We listen, calm, and give you the love and attention you need. We act as guides for your pregnancy and postnatal period. We make time to connect and create a safe space : feelings and emotions can be revealed, fears and anxieties discussed. 

Flexible Care Approach: we can be involved in your journey at whatever stage you need us. We would love to connect with you in pregnancy, if you didn’t get that opportunity, we do recommend you booking in with us for your postnatal care.The more support you have after the baby is born the easier your transition to parenthood will be. We can help with breastfeeding, general care of newborn, and sleeping and settling advice. Our aim is to build up yourconfidencesoyou can gradually increaseyour independence. You and your partner make up your own mind about care of yournewborn, and we support you inyour choice,and help you to build yournetworks.    Most importantly, mothers and fathers are heard,questions can be answered and a plan formed.